Nelson
First trip of 2025 was Nelson. I love Nelson, it’s always good times. This trip was no exception, however I was not ready for the emotions and memories it may bring up.
We got to Nelson on Friday Jan 10th. The Airbnb that we stayed at, was basement of this tiny house at the bottom of a massive hill. It had a creek running through the backyard, very cute and warm place. I think the owner used the space as their tailoring workspace…
In our room, there was a desk. A desk for tailors, drawers filled with colourful threads, different types needles, and a sewing machine. This desk reminded me of my mom, she was a tailor, a self-thought one. It surely made me nostalgic, but the excitement of the weekend we had ahead of us overpowered the emotions.
That night, we went to a grocery store. a cute little store mainly selling local products, with very environmentally cautious practices. I went there by myself, just browsing through isle, until I stepped into this spice section, it took me back home and once again reminded me of my mom. In particular, a memory where I was in this big spice store with her. I saw this massive bag of dried chillies but I thought they are dried fruits, or maybe fruit leather. So Grabbed a piece (more like stole it) and took a big bite, needless to say it was SO spicy that I immediately start crying. I didn’t dare to tell my mom what I just did, so as any kid would do, I tried to save my face (or I thought I did) and just licked my sleeve and clothing to rub the sensation off my tongue. I am sure my mom had a suspicion, but she didn’t say a word. Perhaps to save me from embarrassment, she was sure I learned my lesson. Long story short, that night, in a random grocery store in Nelson, Canada I was once again reminded of that story and laughed. I once again felt nostalgic for home, for my mom, for hearing her voice and chatting with her.
The weekend flew by, we were so exhausted that I guess I didn’t have the capacity to be emotional or cry. Monday morning on our way back to Kelowna, a sudden wave of sadness hit me. I started crying, like ugly crying, balling my eyes. I wished my mom would someday come back to my life, in body of a cat, and I just get to take care of her, show her unconditional love, she gets to be playful free of all the worries in life, and I just adore her. I would know she is my mom, her fierce personality, and silly sense of humour.
It’s now Saturday, Jan 18th. and for the past few days, I was filled with this feeling that’s just gnawing at me, feeling like there’s a pain in my chest, like an ache, like I’m yearning for something but don’t what it is. I feel like Dumbeldore in that scene where he didn’t wanna drink the water but when the water was out he was so thirsty. A feeling as if I have missed something, but don’t even know what I am missing.
I guess I am still grieving my mom, I miss her so much, weekends were the time I would call her or she’d call me. But it’s been so many weekends since last time we talked. I have not had any missed calls from her in a long time. I don’t know if there is anyone other than Jordon, that if they don’t hear from me they will worry about me the way my mom did. Worrying was all she did. I had to remind her, mom I am not living in a war zone or something. I am ok, but she would still worry.
